1994 - Hotwells / Bristol - Simon Dly

Then something rather good happened. I'd met Simon earlier in the year through him working at Bristol best street-food vendor, a place called Mickey Finns that operated next door to the Bristol Hipodrome. We struck a mutual chord of friendship. Around August '94 I was able to invite Simon to move into the Hotwells house. Davva and Ian W had moved into a house round the corner, an unbelievably depressing place that was claustrophobically squashed up against the side of the cliffs seperating Hotwells from Clifton above.

Simon moving in lifted the atmosphere for me considerably, as I now had a friend living there, and it dilluted the power of the miserable f**ks that centred around Noel (he'd taken on the mantle of being my chief trouble maker and sarcastic w@nker).

Side Note: through going to the Watershed a lot to see films, I met a woman called Chris. She was married but an incorrigible flirt. This all came to a head through the SPANK scene where I got to meet her husband, a really top bloke called Damien. Bizarely, Simon Dly and Damien were related!

That's the thing about Bristol: it's an amazingly small world.

1994 - Hotwells / Bristol - Simon D00ley

So Simon moved in and brought a lot of fun to the house, and endured many of my practical jokes. We hung out a lot. I made a video called Annexia (August 1994) which was the first video catch-up since I got knee-capped in Feb 1991.

1994 - Hotwells / Bristol - Djr

August. Part of the filming of Annexia, Simon Dly and I found a way to get inside the abandoned Clifton Rocks Railway station. Armed with feeble lights, we began clambering down this insanely steep and amazingly long shaft that led down from a place near the Avon Gorge Hotel, in Clifton, down to another abandoned station by the old Hotwells Pump House.

It is also around this time that I befriended a much older woman called Rachelle, who worked in the Watershed gallery...we struck up a really lovely friendship. I used to join her on meandering drives through the countryside to places like Burnham on Sea, and Cheddar Gorge for scones with clotted cream and jam. It was through Rachelle that I met and became friends with Chris Wa11er (photographer), and with J0hn B0wden (solicitor).

I was also back into clubbing again, for the first time since the glory days of 1987 to 1991. Pete Tong on Radio 1, and the Renaissance tripple CD set were my soundtracks as I got energised to go to Lakota (on my own). Everyone was taking pills. I was taking Nescafe and bars of chocolate.

I started going to SPANK on my own. I met a woman called Roz and we started to have a regular thing together.

By emotionally distancing myself more and more from Maria, I was finally emerging from the supressed cocoon I've been stuck within since landing in Bristol in Oct 1991.

1994 - Bristol - Djr

By late summer I was working in a call centre for a big telecommunications corporation; the work was okay and the people were good fun. I continued to distance myself from the whole Maria-thing, even though she was still living in Hotwells with me.

1994 - Bristol - Al1s0n Og1lvey

A new cafe opened up, not far from the Arnolfini, it was called the "Mud Dock" cafe, and had a trendy bicycle store downstairs. Upstairs was amazing though... reclaimed railway timbers blended with welded metal and thick slabs of glass created an wonderful cafe space... and the coffee was served in little coffee-plungers. Through the Arnolfini I met a number of friendly souls including Caroline, Will Surfer Dude, and Mark Hubbard. I also got to know Al1s0n Og1lvey and her (precocious) daughter Amber. Alison was involved in the club scene and PR, she spoke with a very posh accent and she was great fun. One night I hung out with her as she met and escorted a big-name DJ around Bristol as part of a magazine interview... and through being with Alison that night I met Charley Walters.

1994 - Mud Dock / Bristol - Maria Mojo, Djr

It was a surreal situation, living with Maria... were we just friends and lovers, were we in an open relationship? What were we doing?

1994 - Bristol - Charley Walters

Charley was studying at Bristol Uni, she was Grace Jones' cousin, she was chilled, sexy and a totally cool lady...it rapidly became more than just a fling and I was completely freaked out by that... it was all coming too soon in the wake of Maria, who was still living in my house... so after a few weeks of really lovely times (and the Gypsy CD as a soundtrack to those memories) it came to a bit of an awkward end...

1994 - Newcastle - Toon

I did the journey to Newcastle, 9 hours on a National Express coach... my Dad met me at the Newcastle station and gave me a lift home.

He'd been forced out of the company he'd built up from scratch but was still doing jobs for some loyal clients. Meanwhile he was taking Rob P and Ed W through the court-system.

1994 - Newcastle - Karli the Wonder Dog

1994 - Newcastle - Toon

I hooked up with Toon, a Thai girl I'd known for a couple years through Eve & Yazzmox.

1994 - Camden / London - Djr

Believe it or not, up to this point - apart from a brief visit to London en-route to Amsterdam - I had never been to the City before.

Through Rachelle I got the offer of a lift in a yellow ex-Russian embassy Skoda. Dropped off on the Strand at the bottom of Southhampton Street, I walked up towards Covent Gardens and discovered Cafe Nero for the very first time. Which became my favourite haunt in London for many years after, a place I went to for solitary time and writing. I think that journey did something for me, changed me irrevocably, or maybe it just woke-me-up after so many years asleep? My confidence flourished with every moment I spent there, with every footstep I made.

1994 - Carnaby Street / London - Grassy

I used the opportunity of being in London to catch up with Grassy; she was now studying media there. I spent the night at her student digs in Bethnal Green... where a tiny Frenchman made us a mountain of the best crepes in the world... Grassy and I headed out to a nightclub the size of room, with a dancefloor the size of a welcome mat. A very funny evening.

1994 - Camden / London - Alex M

I went to visit my old childhood friend, the boy who lived next door to my parents house in Jesmond, Alex M. He and I had drifted apart during his and Ciaran's involvement with the Newcastle Theatre crowd...but it was great to see him again. He was living in London and just setting himself up as a photographer. This is the night he and I went out to a pub with some of his beery mates... coming back we passed a club that had banging dance tunes blasting past the bouncers... I said lets go in...Alex and his mates said "Naaaaaa"... I said, "Okay, I'll see you back at your place later then".

I walked into the club. I walked straight through and onto the dancefloor, grinning from ear to ear... it was fantastic. Some people moved aside and a little clearing opened up with two girls inside. They both looked at me. I looked at them. They smiled. I smiled. Enter Zeynep and Nyika into my life.

1994 - Camden Market / London - Zeynep, Djr, Nyika

We danced until they threw us out. There was an invitation back to their place but I knew I should show my face at Alex's - after all, I'd come all this way to see him. So we swapped numbers and promised to hook up the next day.

We met up in Camden and had a blast. It was strange, it wasn't like we had only just met...we became instant friends. I made plans to come back to London and see them both again soon.

1994 - Soho - Alex M

I met up with Alex again; this was my first time in Soho. Another cafe Nero, a place that would wind its way into a novel in 1997. My imagination was on fire.

1994 - Park Lane / London - Criminal Justice Bill Riots

Leaving Alex in Soho I made my way to Park Lane, next to Hyde Park, to catch the Bakers Dolphin bus back to Bristol. I came up to the surface out of Marble Arch tube station and walked into a surreal universe.

There were no cars driving along the road. Instead, there was an eerie absence of cars and people, other than the 5,000 riot police stomping up and down the place like legions of Roman soldiers, all dressed in full riot gear.

I made my way to the bus stop where about 20 or so people were standing, like me, a bit confused, and concerned because there were certainly no buses coming down.

It got dark.

A unicyclist appeared, dressed like a clown, and started peddling back and forth in front of the massive line-up of riot police, taunting them.

Noises started to emerge from the darkness of Hyde park to our right. Abruptly a rave started up. Police choppers strafed the area with xenon spotlights. Police on loud hailers told the crowds to disperse. I stood with my twenty fellow passengers in between the two opposing sides...

...then they charged. Both sides. It was mayhem. Policemen and protesters locked in hand-to-hand combat. There was a bloke in the queue about my age...he and I made a run for it, fought our way past a cordon, got into an underpass and ran, laughing and excited.

Eventually the two of us found our way onto the right side of the conflict, beyond it. Eventually we found the Bakers Dolphin bus. We jumped on and started our journey back to Bristol. Small world Bristol. Talking to the guy, a random vein of conversation brought him to mention a horny girl he was shagging who worked as a barmaid on Park Street... he lived in Bristol and they'd been shagging on and off for a few months... she had a boyfriend, apparrently, he told me without remorse... small world, Bristol, I said to him, and then told him I was the so-called boyfriend.

Bloody Maria. But what could I do... we'd stopped being a regular boyfriend / girlfriend weeks ago.

1994 - Park Lane / London - Criminal Justice Bill Riots

The unicyclist as he wheels into position to taunt the riot police.

Underworld: dub-no-bass with my headman is soundtrack to this period.

1994 - Hotwells / Bristol - Maria

Maria didn't give a shit about my revelation from the trip to London. She suggested her and I go clubbing, along with Simon Dly who was living in the room next to Maria's.

I got hammered; Maria was doing my head in, the Hotwells house was doing my head in. Simon Dly was acting weird. I couldn't figure it out at first. We all came home... Maria took me into her room, and watched me fall asleep...

... I woke up some time later, no sign of Maria... I padded out of her room to head upstairs to my own room and that's when I heard her in Simon's room. Jesus F**king Christ. Simon was supposed to be my mate.

1994 - Hotwells / Bristol - Simon Dly

The next day I found Simon Dly at his work place (Mickey Finns) and had it out with him... which quickly escalated into a brawl... Maria turned up at that point, can you believe it... and shrieked at us to stop. Then she sidled up to Simon and stood by him. That was it for me. The final straw.

I told Simon to move out: our friendship was f**ked.

Maria moved out not long after.

I was left in the house wth Noel and his motley crew of sarcastic w@nkers.

For me, Bristol had lost all appeal. I handed in my notice at the telecommunications call centre, packed all my shit into boxes, hired a big white van, and on a bleak afternoon in October 1994, humped everything down three floors on my own, into the van, jumped in and drove back to Newcastle...crying and screaming half of the way.

I arrived in Newcastle late on Friday night; I left the van parked outside and crawled into bed. Saturday was an awful day: the weather was grey, bruised, with freezing winds and lashing rain. Nobody was around. No Ciaran, No Richy, No Toon, Eve or Yazmox. Worse, mum was furious about me being there. Could I stay a few days until I found a place of my own? NO, was the answer. So I spent Saturday in a desperate attempt to find somewhere to live...and it just felt wrong. I can't explain it but there was a feeling that some invisible hand was at work...stopping me in succeeding. I even got to see a room in a big old house of Clayton Road, I had cash in my hands for a deposit but not enough there and then, so I went away to get more cash and... and that's when I started to wonder if I wasn't about to make the biggest mistake of my life. Why was I moving back to Newcastle?

I had to return the van to the rental place on Monday morning; so Sunday was my last chance to decide. I remember standing in a phone box on Osborne Road, Jesmond, talking to J0hn B0wden, the solictitor in Bristol, who was the only person I really knew to talk to on that level... sobbing my heart out, totally confused and upset, it all p0ured out of me.

The decision wasn't a difficult one. I couldn't stay in Newcastle; I had nowhere to live. I managed to negotiate with mum to leave some of my things behind; so I stashed a few boxes of books and things in the upper cupboards of my old bedroom, where my sister was living now. I said goodbye and did the drive back to Bristol with about half of my stuff in the van. Arriving back outside Hotwells, I felt kind of relieved...I don't know, it was like a silent voice was mouthing the feeling "it's going to be okay".

I opened the front door of the house carrying a couple boxes and headed upstairs... my room was at the top of the house, at the back, Maria's old room was on the first floor, at the front, next to Simon Dly's empty room... I carried my things into Maria's old room and plonked the boxes down there. I trudged upstairs to my old room and found the padlock I'd placed on the door had been broken off, the door wide open. "What the f**k?"

Then Noel came round the corner, stepping out from his room, glaring at me with accusation: where had I been? Why was all my stuff gone?

Jesus Christ, after everything I'd been through the last thing I needed was this self-important prick giving me an interrogation about how I handled my affairs, in my own house. I carried the rest of my stuff in from the van and settled into my new room.

1994 - Hotwells / Bristol - Djr

The next morning, after returning from Newcastle, I woke up on a matress on the floor in the middle of a huge open space, grey calm light filtering in through the huge windows. I felt great. I got up, padded over to my portable CD player and put on some music, probably the Greatest Bond Soundtracks, or Dead Can Dance - Into The Labyrinth.

I didn't have a job. I didn't have any friends in the true sense of the word: I knew Alis0n Ogilvey, Rachelle, Chris W, John Bowden.

But...Hotwells was a reasonable income and I was sure I knew enough people to kick start a social group of somekind?

I took the van back; rang a girl I used to work with in the call centre; we went out for a night and that got me back into Bristol with bang. Interestingly, on my very last day in the call-centre, the previous week, I'd met two blokes independantly of each other... literally, I'd been sitting in the welfare room in the morning with a mug of tea, reading a CoC scenario and a bloke mentioned that he played; I'd told him it was a real shame I'd only just met him because I was moving away from Bristol to Newcastle. Then the same thing happed on the afternoon welfare break... another bloke came up to me and said he played CoC. For some reason, despite believing I wasn't going to be living in Bristol anymore, I took their numbers. Now that I was in Bristol, I rang them up... enter Simon P and Mick T into my life.

1994 - Hotwells / Bristol - Simon P, Mick T

November: Simon & Mick came round to the house in Hotwells, I had the table fully extended in the big room... and we sat down to some good old 1920's Call of Cthulhu. It was the first proper game I'd played since living in Newcastle. It became a regular thing; beef-curry from the local Chinese Takeaway and mugs of tea. It became social... through Simon, both Mick and I got to know Jules Ms Scarlet, Becky Blue Eyes, Steve Stalker, Redhead Rachel and French Marie. A great bunch of people and the source of some fantastic get-togethers and fun, especially after I introduced them to SPANK. I had landed on my feet running.

Mick remained working the call centre where I'd first met him.

Simon had started working for a company that was involved in this new thing, something called The Internet.

1994 - Bristol - J0hn B0wden

November: I started seeing a lot of J0hn. He'd really shown true colours as a friend that awful Sunday, when I'd rung him in desperation, needing to talk to somebody about what I was going through. So we cooked a few meals at his place and met up for coffee in town. He was a nice chap.

1994 - Hotwells / Bristol - Big Mat

December: About 2 minutes from the house in Hotwells, was an all night Petrol Station with a reasonable sized shop. I was clubbing every weekend now, I got to know the guy who worked the late shift... he'd sell me chocolates on my way out, and he'd be there 4 in the morning when I strolled back from town. We struck up a friendship and I used to hang out with him in the shop, after they lock the door and only serve people through the hatch. He turned into a top bloke and a very loyal and dependable friend.

It was around this time that I dug out my raw copy of the story that was to become God Seed. I knew it was a good story, just badly written. This became a mission for the next few months, writing up God Seed after work (I was temping as a PA to a marketting Director at a major brewery) and taking the freshly printed (dot-matrix) sheets to the Petrol Station where Big Mat and I would read through them...staying up past midnight, necking really strong mugs of coffee and chomping our way through the shop's stock of chocolate.

1994 - Bristol - Victoria, Alis0n

December: I seemed to be drawing all my friends into the SPANK scene.

1995 - Hotwells / Bristol - Djr

January: I don't recall the transition from '94 to '95, it may have taken place in Newacastle, I'm not sure. But I was firmly back in Bristol and loving it. I was writing; there was a game of Cthulhu almost every week; I had made some fantastic freind; I was clubbing every weekend...Leo's on Friday night with Jules and that crowd, and Lakota on Saturday nights, usually happily on my own.

Soundtrack to this period is Apollo 440, and a long drive to Newcastle with Simon P in a sports car. More poignantly is William Orbit: Strange Cargo Hinterland, which became a real Cthulhu soundtrack for a while.

I borrowed a laptop from work (the brewery) and had my first experience of sitting in a cafe (Watershed) and being able to work anywhere... I felt a little bit embarrassed because everyone was staring at me. I wrote a feature called "Sex on the Superhighway". This made me realise that my faithful Amstrad Word Processor with its dot-matrix printer, the one I'd been given from Dennis MacEion, was no longer up to the demands of the late 20th Century. I needed a computer. The best I was looking to be able to get at that point in time was a '386... but I couldn't afford the £800 or so price tag just yet. I'd have to save some more pennies.

I needed God Seed to be on a PC format, but it was currently only on these crazy bespoke diskettes, 4inch long or something, for the Amstrad. You couldn't insert the diskette into anything else. I needed access to PC's, uninterrupted. My temping gig as a PA at the brewery came to a conclusion, so I now had time on my hands again.... and an okay income from sub-renting rooms in Hotwells house.

I thought back to my first months in Bristol; I'd spent a few weeks living in the Bristol Polytechnic's halls of residence, essentially pretending to be a student. I figured I could probably do that again.

So, I caught the student bus from the city centre and rode up to the Cold Harbour Lane site, next to Hewlett Packard. I walked into the complex and found they had a lovely suite of PC's... they even had printers. So I spent a few weeks doing that on a regular basis, using the computers, drinking coffee in the refectory area on my breaks. It was a grim task, the only way I could get God Seed onto PC format was to copy/type it from the dot-matrix print out, onto the polytechnic PC and save it to a 3.5 inch diskette. Eventually it was done.

1995 - London - Nyika, Zeynep

I went to London a couple of times in the first half of 1995, primarily to hang out with these two nutters.

1995 - London - Zeynep, Djr

This was the night we went to a 'normal' club somewhere in London and Zeynep went totally out of control. Right there on the edge of the dancefloor, to the point where we got thrown out of the place by some freaked-out bouncers.

1995 - Bristol - Chris W

I'd known Chris for nearly a year now, having met her through Rachelle at the Watershed. He and I discovered a mutual interest in discussing philosophical topics such as the nature of reality, and in particular, the nature of Time. I enjoyed the wisdom that he brought to the table.

1995 - Hotwells/ Bristol - Maria Mojo

Guess who f**ks her way back into my head. I was doing so well, my life was accelerating into a brilliant future... Maria needed help, she needed somewhere to stay. Did I say no?

I couln't say no. So, I end up with Maria back in the Hotwells house. It was almost worth it to see the rage in Noel's face.

1995 - Hotwells/ Bristol - My room

This was Dave B's room when I first moved in back in Christmas 1991, then it became Maria's room... it had been my room since November 1994. Now Maria's things were back...

1995 - Hotwells/ Bristol - Djr

April: I'm sitting in the Watershed one night when I notice a man staring at me with a subtle smirk on his face. He's about my age, very long dark hair and dark eyes... I frown, he smiles, and then he gets up and walks over.

"Hello, my name is Matthias..."

It turns out I had met him a few months when he was working in the electronic gadget shop; I had spoken to him a couple times when I'd gone in to meet Maria for lunch, only to discover she'd already vanished with Mark C...

Matthias joined me and we spent hours talking. It was an instant and profound 'click', almost like when you're a child and you know you've just met your new best friend. Turns out that Matthias hated working with Maria...."she's the only woman I've ever wanted to murder with my bare hands," he told me. Matthias used to feel really bad for me, because not only was Maria away with Mark C, she was apparently having it away with another member of staff in the shop's stock cupboard.

I couldn't believe I was hearing this, and I couldn't believe I had even let Maria back into my life... aaaaaagghhhhhh!

1995 - Hotwells/ Bristol - Matthias P

Matthias rapidly became one of the most important people in my life. I call him my "soul brother" simply for the fact there was a tangible connection between us, that if I believed in reincarnation, spoke of profound events in past lives.

1995 - London - Nyika, Djr

May: I went back to London again to spend time with my party girls. When I came back, Maria was pissed off and pissing me off. Things started turning difficult, rapidly heading towards nasty. Maria wanted to make a go of it, to try being back together as a couple... I said I'd think about it. Then she vanished for three days, and when she came back, she emptied her bag out on the bed and failed to notice the cum-stains all over her party dress. I noticed them.

I couldn't believe I'd been so weak, and so stupid as to let myself fall back into this situation again. It was the same thing, all over again. The same bullshit, mind-games and lies.

1995 - Brislington / Bristol - Djr

May: "I am an idiot", I told myself. That could be the only explanation. I came back home to find a note from Maria saying she'd be back in a few days (again?!!!) and she had something amazing to tell me. Jeez, I wonder what that could be...like I even cared *sarcastic tone*

I rang Matthias and he invited me round to his pad. I'd never been there before. I walked into town from Hotwells, found the bus stop for a No.1 bus, and tried to keep my bearings at the bus thundered out along the A4 road, past a massive graveyard, swung up onto a steep hill and I realised I was at my destination, a road called Sandy Park, in an area called Brislington. Matthias was at the bus stop, waiting for me. We walked up the hill, past the massive hulking form of a church, and entered the downstairs flat that sat wedged behind a chemist shop.

His pad consisted of one main room, with a tiny kitchen attached and a small shower room. It was crammed with crazy posters and plastic toys from the 1960's, 1970's and 1980's. There was no computer. No games console. The Internet had not even entered our lives at this point. There was just a small portable TV and a battered top-loader video machine. We watched some old horror films (John Carpenter & Stephen King stuff) and chewed the fat. He made me bed on his floor out of sofa cushions and threw a duvet over me.

I woke up next day feeling really happy; Matthias brewed strong coffee and put on some amazing chilled - ambient music. Sunlight poured in past the church and flooded the room with warm light. Matthias popped over the road to this amazing bakery (run by a sect of the Plymouth Brethren) and came back with delicious pork & apple pastries.

Soundtrack to this era: William Orbit, Strange Cargo - one with the picture of dense woodland on front.

1995 - Brislington / Bristol - Matthias P

I loved being there in Brislington. There was a good atmosphere to the area. Matthias told me that there was a larger flat upstairs... currently a woman was living there but she'd apparently suggested to Matthias she was going to move out soon... because the place was haunted.

Haunted? Really? Ooooo, that would be perfect. I made a mental wish that she did move out. I wanted to live there.

1995 - Hotwells / Bristol - Djr

June: I got back from Brislington to find Maria had done a runner. I didn't blame her and I was more than happy she was gone.

However... things with Noel and his cadre of little wankers were getting worse. Much worse. It was a Saturday night and I did my regular trip to Lakota, via a chocolate buying trip to the Petrol Station to see Big Mat. Normally I'd have stayed at Lakota til closing time, coming back some time around 4 or 5 am. But I couldn't relax. I felt uneasy and I was certain something bad was taking place at home.

I hurried back, and found that Noel and his cronies had decided to throw a party. Now remember that I was the official tennant, it was my name on the contract, I was responsible for the building. I got back and found the house full of pissed and aggressive blokes... Noel's mates. They smashed the bannister leading to the top floor; they ripped up the carpet from the hallway; they threw all the furniture from the 1st floor back room out through the window, including a wardrobe that took the window and part of the frame with it; they smeared mud on the walls of most of the rooms and tore down curtains. They wrecked the house. I had to stay in my room to protect my possessions.

1995 - Brislington / Bristol - Stairs to the flat above

June: with almost biblical timing, Matthias P rang me to say that the woman upstairs was moving out. The place was mine if I wanted it.

YES I WANTED IT.

This image is of the first time I ever climbed the stairs into the flat above. I was with Matthias, filming, because we both believe the place was haunted... neither he or I experience anything that night, but ironically the place was haunted, it certainly had a presence that for the most part was incredibly positive.

... for a one person flat the place was huge. A decent sized bathroom, a cupboard for a kitchen, a long passage leading into 2 bedrooms and a large lounge. I could have it for £35 a week. I met the agent representing the landlord and signed a 6 month contract... I had no idea that I would end up spending the next 11 years of my life there.

1995 - Hotwells / Bristol - Djr

Matthias came back to the Hotwells house to help me pack up; he was staggered by the total devastation done to the place by Noel and his pisshead mates. They were now playing funny buggers with the rent and I think they were secretly gagging on malicious anticipation waiting for the next visit from the landlord.

Big Matt turned up with a huge van, and he and Matthias helped me start to carry my stuff down. Noel and everyone else was out. I simply vanished.

This image is from my last moments in the Hotwells house. I was totally excited about the move. Part of me was sad about leaving it, but I couldn't wait to sever all links with the place.

Big Mat drove me and my stuff to my new home. There was barely enough to fill one room, so there was an incredible sense of space, of new beginnings. The sun had set on Hotwells.

Sidenote: I wrote an official letter to the landlord explaining everything that had happened. I later learned that Noel and Davva and that crowd were up in arms about my sudden departure. It seemed I had spoiled their fun, and Noel was now left living in a wrecked house. They challenged my version of events with the landlord. The landlord let them stay. Noel decided to finish the job, he came in with some more mates and pulled out the original marble fireplaces... breaking one in thier clumsy-handed process... Noel quite literally ripped the heart out of that house.