2002 - Champoluc - Italy

Andy C has left the Agency, moved out of England and is living in Switzerland. He invites me to join him and 30 others, snowboarding in Italy. I've just ripped the tendons of my ankle but I'm determined to learn.

I ate pain-killers like candy but I loved every second of this trip. Up early every morning, into the gondolas, all day on baby and the red Mustafa slope, lovely pasta and cheese for lunch in the cafe, down again and hot chocolate and beer, and evenings feeling so utterly chilled in the warm wooden splendor of the hotel.

Memory: walking back from a club with Andy C and his words that made me realise I had more feelings for Jo than I realised. And despite this, I did not call her, I did not let her know. Would it have made any difference to what was going on then anyhow? Who knows.

2002 - Champoluc - Italy

One night, one of the main guys in the group told everyone to meet outside in 10 minutes. Something was afoot but nothing was being said. Outside, we all started trudging through the town until we reached the gondola station, which is normally closed at this time of night, but for some reason was manned and operational. We were shuttled up the mountain in stages. The temperature was below -20c. Standing in a small pool of electrical light, surrounded by absolute darkness, all the newbies, including me, looked around at the grinning faces of the people who'd done this before.

Abruptly a sound emerged from the silence... a motor engine. Then lights spilled down from above, beams of headlights sweeping through snow dusted trees towards us. Several snow-bikes arrived, with some guys I'd never seen riding them, towing small metal trailers. In we went. And off we set... hurtling at full speed up the mountain slopes in pure darkness... higher and higher... I knew this mountain peaked at 4,000 metres, surely we weren't going up that far? The temperature drop was becoming intense, combined with the windchill as we hurtled along.

Finally we reached our destination. A large hut, with wood smoke rising from a chimney and soft inviting light flooding from square latticed windows. Inside we found a restaurant...and long tables set for us... brandy schnappes, beer, great food. What a night.

2002 - Champoluc /Italy - Djr, Yvonne, Lisa

I didn't take any lessons, just got up there with my board, spent the first couple days falling down A LOT and the gradually began to get the hang of it. But it was thanks to the experienced people in the group, who'd take 20 minutes out to literally show you how to get the next bit into your head... it was thanks to them that I was able to get to a level where I was able to venture up and out and have some real fun.

2001 - The Happy Flat - Djr, Abbi

January: Abbi dropped in one night on her way to driving to Cornwall.

2002 -London - Ana C

January: I took a trip to go see Ana at her new house in London. I spent a weekend there, spending a whole saturday morning in her kitchen writing whilst she popped out for a few hours. At the end of the weekend she took me to Portugese cafe in some part of London, which was crammed with locals and served great food.

It was easy and desirable spending time with Ana... and I could feel my usual attitude of emotional-detachment starting to fail.

Meanwhile at work, I'd had to take a trip to London to pick up a Business Achievement award for the Agency's Videoconferencing Service... we'd really turned it around from failure since 1998... Mike Dbry, who had begrudgingly become a subordinate again, came with me. The Right Honourable Margaret Beckett handed the award over. Photos were taken. Drinks were consumed... Mike and I ended up in a pub near the train station... Mike drank a bit too much and got loose tongued. He told me how much he disagreed with my decision to come back from secondment, that he thought my plans for a virtual communications service, running seamlessly over the IP network, was a joke, in fact, he said, people were talking behind my back and saying it was a rubbish idea and that it would never succeed. I was gobsmacked, and more than a little hurt.

2002 -London - Richard C, Djr, Margaret Beckett

2002 - Cheltenham - Kelvin Sharky, Nice Guy Tony, Jules Ms Scarlet

It was Kelvin's birthday so we bought a murder mystery "on the Piste" got dressed up and went to Jo's house outside Cheltenham.

Memory: playing truth or dare in the lounge and Jules asked "how many people have you slept with?" The question went around the room... and various answers were given...and I felt more and more sick at myself. Jules laughed when it came to my turn because I had apparently turned green... I realised I had slept with all of the women in the room...I realised this was no way to live my life.

2002 - Cheltenham - Natalya

Not long after I met Natalya back in 2001, she got involved in a serious relationship. This had now come to an end. So I invited her to join me in Cheltenham for the Murder Mystery.

2002 - Bristol - Maria Mojo

February: I get a random call from Maria. "Let's meet..." We have drinks, we chat about old times and we have a laugh. It feels like a New Maria.

2002 - Bristol - Maria Mojo

February: we go see a film, she walks out halfway through to use the toilet, or at least that's what she whispers in my ear... and then she never comes back.

I watch the film, and coming out from the cinema I think to myself, "If this really is the New Maria she's claiming to be, I'll find her sitting on a bench outside saying she's sorry she didn't enjoy the film but didn't want to spoil it for me. But... if this is the Same Old Maria, then she'll simply be gone, with no explanation."

No surprises, she wasn't there. Totally bizarre.

2002 - New Orleans

March: Jo, Sharky and myself flew out to New York as the launch pad for a trail-blazing eight flights in 16 days.

Despite the emotional debacle of last year when I behaved like a shit, and turned my back on Ramona without a word, she was part of the grand adventure. Which was cool, and went a long way towards healing the rift in the foundational friendship I hoped we still shared.

But there was a complication. Jo and I were getting-it-on in a big way, which I doubted Ramona was expecting to be confronted with...especially as we were going to be sleeping under her roof for a few days. And to complicate matters even more, Ramona's brother had a thing for Jo. Potentially messy situation.

First day in New York, went to visit the crater that was the legacy of 9/11. Then it was a general get together with some of the old rouges. Sadly for me David W was dead, and Raymond F was now married in Australia, Gina was over in Calafornia, Camille had vanished from reality and I'd lost Una's number. And walking around Manhatten streets I realised I was bored of the place.

New Orleans was culture shock. I never expected to see such abysmal poverty in the United States. It was a real eye-opener. I realised I'd been suckered into believing the glossy Hollywood lie about how great America is. It's not. America needs $1.3 trillion just to bring it's infrastructure up to modern standards; 30 million Americans don't have enough food to eat. The French Quarter is wonderful. For tourists. But as soon as you step beyond the prescribed perimeter you're into No-Man's Land. Memory: woman dancing in the setting sun, half her face burned off, bright pink scar tissue and dull yellow bone. Kelvin and I kept glancing at each other, we were both getting freaked out by the Budapest vibe.

2002 - New Orleans - French Quarter

This guy did not move a milimetre, he did not even wobble. Rock still. Jackson Square was full of crackpot mystics, palm readers, tarot readers, some with credentials displayed in glass frames, one fat guy sitting there with a crazily hand scrawled sign saying TELEPAtH - over the next few days I noticed the hand scrawled sign changed to include Tarot reading and Palmistry. It reminded me of walking through that town in Lost Boys.

Found a bar called Rivers Edge, supped cold beer and I had my first taste of crawfish gumbo which was WOW. Started falling in love with New Orleans.

We all returned to the hotel Place d'Armes - bit of a tricky issue about who was sleeping where: one big room, two double beds! I managed to grab the bed with Jo before Ramona's brother got the wrong idea in his head; he looked decidedly miffed. Snooze city. When Jo and I woke we found Kelvin sat up next to Ramona's brother in bed watching TV, Kelvin looked a bit freaked out, the brother looked furious. Certainly there was tension in the air. Jo and I escaped and hit the night on the town, we found Bourbon Street.

Bourbon street is one big pub. In Amsterdam people go to get stoned a screw whores. In New Orleans, it's where Americans go to get drunk in public or look at semi-naked women. Back to Bourbon Street. Men standing on balaconies loudly cheering and throwing beads at any woman who takes her top off for the world to see.

Jo and I found a chilled out bar called 'Can-Can's where we grabbed a couple of stools in a corner and had a good and much needed chat over numerous bottles of beer; in the background was live Jazz, outside the glass doors was an endless march of drunk tourists stumbling bleary eyed but happy, bedecked in various sizes of beads - some the size of Christmas tree baubels!

Just before leaving I got chatting to one of the musicians who was taking 5 by the bar - turned out he was English, a drummer, and he said he absolutely loved New Orleans - he reminded me of Harry Angel from Angel heart.

2002 - New Orleans - Jo

2002 - New Orleans - Kelvin Sharky, Jo

2002 - Out on the Bayou

Did a Swamp Tour, which was one of the highlights of the whole trip. Climbed onto a flat bottomed boat with our skipper, James, who was a real character, Bayou-born-and-bred, and were given a superb vocal history of the landscape, the plantlife, animal life and some of the interesting characters that lived here. "Old man lives in a shack in the middle of nowhere. Rents it out as a B&B. Pretty cheap. You buy him a crate of beer, he lets you stay."

Saw some aligators eating marshmallows.

Then back to the city. The hotel was utterly fabulous. Like most of the buildings in the French Quarter, the facade was quite insubstantial and usaually led into a courtyard surrounded by the proper structures. We spent every morning, soaking up the sun, drinking coffee and eating sticky buns. It was a real sanctuary. Memory: Ramona's brother waking up and storming around the room, banging things, in a right mood.

I had a weird experience one morning tho, sitting with my eyes closed in the courtyard, I started seeing these freaky demonic faces coming at me through the blood red glare of the sun hitting my eyelids. At first I thought 'active imagination' but then I realised the images were unceasing, complex, frightening and started forming complex geometric shapes.... I thought 'is this real?'. Maybe they were the tortured souls of all the bad stuff that has happened in this town? It gave me an idea for a story.

As for writing, the whole adventure so far was underscored by an album I had purchased just before leaving ' Electric Stew'... "I wear my sunglasses at night, so I can, so I can, watch you weave..." and with this soundtrack and the stunning new experiences, I was generating a lot of new ideas for story lines.

I did not get much time alone to write until our last day there, when I found a gorgeous little cafe off Jackson Square, tiny marble topped tables and the heat wafting in off the street, and strong coffee and just inspiration there in my hand.

Also had a chance for some solo walks along the banks of the Missisppi, sun shining, warm breeze carrying saxophone notes of local buskers, hearing the deep honk of the steam paddle boat.

Another night out on Bourbon street: I dropped a bottle of beer on the floor of this posh establishment and watched whilst the manager fluttered around with a mop, then gave me my very own yellow floor sign saying 'danger slippery surface'. They're so scared of getting sued out there!

David and Kelvin left early to go to bed. Jo and I partied on. I saw the English musician again (Emile) and we started chatting - and rapidly built a bond - leading to Jo and I getting taken to a score of wicked bars off the beaten tourist track, where the locals go. We met so many fabulous people I can't mention them here, and I was gutted I did not bring my camera, but best of all was Brian, the guy with a contagious laugh who joined our noctural wanderings, and who had it made, his wife made enough money to support the family without him needing to work, so he got enough play money from her to go out every night and have fun. Memories, a bar with a dentist's chair (they do haircuts on mondays) that sold Newcastle Brown Ale; a bar with doors open to the street, fine Jazz being played and a locally known flamenco dancer starting up a solo dance in front of the stage, great until a drunk guy in a suit strolled past outside and thought this was his cue to join her, which might not have been so bad if he had not started dancing like he was at a techno rave, there was a great moment when he realised that everyone was just staring at him slack jawed in amazement. He quickly left. Jo got chatted up by a guy who looked so much like Harvey Kietel, we're now thinking maybe he WAS Harvey Kietel... a late night walk past Nicolas Cage's house, wandering though alien streets and feeling like I'm skimming the underside of this city and feeling safe and feeling great, a bar where the owner (who was about 70) said 'want to see my new wife?' and pulled out a picture of a Thai girl he met on-line and has only MET once. Knocking back shots some some thick red liquid with opium extract - then bringing Emiel back to hotel and me, him and Jo sitting by the pool at 4am, drinking and chatting and giggling. Fab!

We left New Orleans with a real desire to come back.

2002 - Canada - Niagra Falls

From New Orleans back to New York. I leave everyone at 4am and ride a van to JFK - helping a new air hostess study for a verbal exam on the way - then a short hop up to Buffalo where I'm met by Jess Starry Eyes who's driven down from Toronto to get me. "Thank God I didn't have to stop on the way over here and get out of my car," she says as we climb back in, "I hate this f@*king country." Jess is a Canadian, through and through.

The transistion from America to Canada was amazing - I made a mental note to make sure I come back as soon as I can. Jess drove me to Niagra Falls on the way. The place was buried in frozen water vapour. Beautiful.

2002 - Niagra Falls - Jess Starry Eyes, Djr

It was great seeing Jess again after so long, and I was chuffed our friendship had lasted since that first clubby encounter at Lakota back in '97.

2002 - Niagra Falls

Everything was frozen.

2002 - Niagra Falls - Jess Starry Eyes

2002 - Toronto

I was staggered by how massive the city is. The Canadians seem to have so much space, the city just sprawls out at a low level as far as the eye can see in every possible direction.

2002 - Toronto - Selam, Jess Starry Eyes

I'd been travelling since 4am and was knackered - we jumped into bed and got some shut eye. When we woke up the sun was gone, and over half a foot of snow had arrived! Jess grew up in the country so was an expert at snow driving - we headed back into the centre of city, I was introduced to friends and work colleagues, then we joined up with Selam and had a long night out. Memory: another night Jess and I went to the cinema and saw a late showing of Resident Evil - came out and had to walk through subterrean passageways under some kind of construction/renovation... we were utterly alone and the atmosphere was still with us from the film. *Shudders*

2002 - Toronto - Djr

Jess made me breakfast.

2002 - Toronto - CN Tower - Djr

This thing was high. Really high. There's a section of floor that is transparent plastic. It's quite large and you can walk on it with a 1/2 kilometre drop below you and it feels as if you're walking on air... that's if you can get yourself to stand on it in the first place. Took me a long time.

Eventually my stay in Toronto with Jess came to an end. Jess decided to drive me back to Buffalo... and so we blasted along sun-kissed highway for a few hours. The closer to the airport I got, the more confused I felt... and saying goodbye was poignant, I felt as though I was making a decision about a particular juncture in my life.

2002 - Washington DC - Sharky, Oj

Whilst I was in Toronto, Kelvin and Jo went down to Washington DC.

2002 - Seattle - Djr

March: Another 4am start. Coming in to land at Seattle, the plane banked sharply and I caught a glimpse of steep hills, forests, deep waterways and pastel coloured houses. It looked like Norway. I felt like home. I instantly knew I was going to like this place.

I then learned that Seattle has one of the biggest Norweigan population outside Europe. The northern district of Ballard is about 1/3rd Nordic. So, after landing and checking into the hotel, I jumped on a bus to Ballard and spent hours at the Nordic Museum reading about the early settlers from Norway. It was a great feeling.

2002 - Seattle Fish Market

Somebody makes a purchase, I saw a seller wrap a Halibut the size of a child, then call out 'HALIBUT!' at the top of his voice, at which point a chorus of men yelled back, 'HAAAALIBURRRT', then the seller threw the massive fish at the chorus group of men, who caught it between them and threw the massive thing at the customer.

There are some funky little market stalls and cheap food places in this area.

2002 - Seattle - Skylight on Yessler Way

A couple of times on my first day in Seattle I would be sitting in Downtown and suddenly feel dizzy... where some of the buildings were on stilts? We were strongly advised to go see the Underground tour, and I have to say if you ever go to Seattle, make sure you do it. Cheap, lasts 90 minutes, very funny in places and is EXTREMELY interesting. It gives you a hands-on feeling of how an American city was built in the time of the settlers and the Wild West.

In short, when the city lost 30 blocks to fire in 1889, they rebuilt downtown with stone, brick and steel, but they also decided to ditch the ground floor of every building, by building walls around every pavement, raising the road, and building a new pavement at 1st floor level. So most of downtown Seattle has this complete underworld that you're not even aware of.... and when you're walking around Downtown, you're actually walking around the 1st floor level of all the buildings there.

This picture shows the underside of one of the many skylights built into the newly raised pavements so that natural light could filter down into the underground chambers created outside the buried ground floors of the buildings.

2002 - Seattle - View from Bainbridge Island Ferry

I spent almost all my time in Seattle away from the others. I love being alone and detest walking around in groups.

I didn't know why but taking the ferry to Bainbridge Island sounded like a good idea. Turned out to be my favourite part of the entire trip. The ferry was more like a ship, the 30 minute ride either relaxing (below deck) or bracing as you stand at the prow and get hit by the wind.

Bainbridge itself is a tiny community. I wandered off the ferry and found myself in a car park... thought wha-?, but I kept walking and discovered a little lump of heaven.

2002 - Bainbridge Island - Bainbridge Island Coffee Co.

Five minutes after leaving the ferry there was nobody else around me. What happened to all the other passengers? I kept on walking up this wide curving road and came to a small police station, and across the road was this two story place called the "Bainbridge Island Coffee Co." It looked nice so I wandered inside.

Really freindly. They made me sign a guest book and were happy for me to sit there for hour and hour (small stool, wooden bench by the plate window) writing out a storm of story ideas. It was incredible. For the next three days in Seattle I kept coming back here to write. I loved it.

Memory: ringing Jess from the ferry carpark, waiting for the depature gates to open...

Historical note: I had wanted to find the city where they filmed Twin Peaks - in honour of weirdness and those summer '95 nights with Matthias - but was unable to get there. However, I later learned that a lot of the early part of Twin Peaks was filmed on this island. Also, watching The Ring (crap Hollywood version) a few years later I realised it was the Bainbridge ferry that the horse leaps off.

2002 - Seattle - Djr.

Some kind of water sculpture that you could move through... okay until a gust of wind blows this curtain of water into your path.

2002 - Seattle - Djr.

It was back to England not long after this. A potent trip. Not so much for travelling but for the ideas I came away with. I had fleshed out the plots for a number of short stories: Catch Me If You Can, Pusk, Skim, Lens d'Armes, NV, Soth, Skylight on Yessler Way, Fast Love 2 Die.

2002 - Avebury - Djr

April: After America I'm feeling a little confused. I've got rapidly growing feelings for Jo... there's a relationship there, if I want it, but there are feelings for Jessica... but she's in bloody Canada...or I can play the field with Ana, and Natalya.

Woke up with Jo one morning, jumped into the car and drove to Avebury, Stonehenge, Woodhenge (tried not to laugh) and then raced the sun West to get to Glastonbury in time for sunset.

I've not been to Avebury since 1993 - the magic of the place has lingered in my mind since then and going back did not dimish it. The crowd of people in the background were patting drums and blowing Celtic tunes on flutes. The stones are nearly 7,000 years old. Thinking about that kind of age just staggers my brain. Near the centre of the circle is a pub - delicious pint of beer whilst Jo and I talked about maybe buying a VW Camper and just spending a summer just cruising.

Jo is living in Cheltenham at Claires and I'm at the Happy Flat; our relationship became official on 13th April. Memory: Mothman Prophecy soundtrack; Dragonfly; train rides from Temple Meads and sushi, grabbing supplies from Sainsbury's across the road.

This is my first serious relationship since Michelle and I split up in 1997; the first few days are amazing, I'm riding a sky-train of happiness...after all this time, I've finally found somebody I can give my heart to.

And within days, I catch Jo in a lie. An evening when I pop round to Claire's on a surprise whim... there's a guy called Tee, looking edgy, there's Jo's mate Lloyd who lets slip about events involving a guy called C-B.

I can't believe I'm here again. Grassy, Maria, Michelle... a jaded cynicism crushes all the joy from my heart about this relationship.

C-B... that name jabs me for the following months, for over a year. I could have walked away, I could have said "You know what, go f@*k yourself... but I decide that this is just the truth about human relationships... so why let one thing ruin everything else.

At work the poisonous tirades of Mike Dbry come to an end... he starts demanding the Agency give him a year-long sabattical so he can go travelling, he gives them an ultimatum... "give me what I want or I leave." They told him to f@*k off.

Mike Dbry leaves so I turn to my friends to find a replacement. Nice Guy Tony has been working for his dad and isn't too happy... so I offer him a job in my team. He grabs it with both hands and becomes a videoconferencing superstar.

Sam Goldfinger leaves my team not long after this to join the new thing called ITXpress, Graham Rbrts left last august...so my team now consists of Nice Guy Tony and Jon Simpk.

Then senior management give me £20K to write a business case justifying my idea for a Virtual Communications Service... I'm thrilled to bits.

2002 - Bristol - Nice Guy Tony

At first it was a bit strange having such a close friend working for me, but, I think we both dealt with it very wel. I'm not sure it even changed our friendship... I think we compartmentalised.

2002 - Near the Happy Flat - Grassy

Grassy had not been to see me in Bristol since 1996; most of our shared social time takes place around Newcastle when we are both back visiting family. It was good to have her down.

Grassy met Jules and Simon - we all went back to the mansion Simon's parents occupy. Some heavy drinking. Grassy's voice rose in pitch and developed an Irish twang in direct relation to her consumption of alcohol. When she went to bed Simon and I spent some time chatting and listening to the occasional crash or thump as Grassy negotiated the narrow iron staircase and low beamed ceilings of the loft area.

2002 - Louis W's Sky Palace - Jenny The Park

Tail end of 2001 I'm sitting in a new bar in Bristol called 'The Park'. Very Manhatten. Andy C was in town one night, guzzling black russians and chatting about a party we were thinking of going to. Then a girl at the table next to us leans in with a charismatic smile and asks, "You're going to a party are you?" Welcome Jenny The Park into my life. Jenny moves to London not long after and it made sense to bring these two institutions together.

This particular night was an evening at The Fortress, Old Street, which has to be my favourite London venue for partying.

2002 - Ullswater Lake - Djr

Jo and I borrowed a tent and went camping - Jo pulled out a bottle of Bolinger champagne which we drank by torchlight.

2002 - Maastricht - Akr

As part of her psychology degree my sister got to spend half a year living over in Holland - I flew out to Amsterdam - met an interesting transexual (yop) - then caught a train to Maastricht, where the temperature and humidity steadily rose the closer the train got. It was great to see my sister again and without the crap surrounding my visit to Glasgow the previous year.

2002 - Maastricht - Djr

There was an amazing day when my sister and I just wandered around the city, drinking coffee and beer... the sunshine was divine and the whole place had this incredible chilled-out vibe.

The little bag I'm carrying is what I use to carry around my Vaio laptop...so small it would fit inside that.

2002 - Maastricht - AKR, Djr

Squirt and I got dressed up, did each other's hair and went clubbing. Memory: striding through an intense downpour, warm rain, lightening flashing over our heads less than a second before the crash of thunder, both of us singing 'White Wedding'.

2002 - Maastricht - Djr

2002 - Maastricht - Akr, Fronk

Fronk was a good friend of my sister's and a cool guy: he could make two Coke cans stick to his head and he had a white label of "I Wear My Sunglasses at Night..."